At this moment I feel a sense of hope about 2018...
Being the parent of a child with chronic health issues has been described as unrelenting, exhausting, and isolating. I'm sleep-deprived beyond anything I could ever have imagined. Most days I barely recognize the person I was a few years ago, and the life I lived seems as if it wasn't even mine.
At times I think I don't have the stamina to keep going. To fight another battle for his safety at school. To get up and go on with the day after having been up all night dealing with blood sugar. To discuss strategies with his healthcare teams. To coordinate communication among the teams. To deal with health insurance bureaucracy. To deal with his anger about all of this that is often directed at me. To deal with all the ways I feel inadequate as a parent.
My aunt asked what gift my kiddo would like this year. Without hesitation, I said that she would win "Aunt of the Year" if she got him a model airport replica mat. For three years all he has talked about is becoming an air traffic controller...and I knew he would get endless hours of enjoyment out of it.
The mat arrived and quickly took over our kitchen table. I needed a more permanent solution and started looking at oversized folding tables. On Craiglist I stumbled upon a massive clothing display table from a store going out of business. It was a bargain and perfect for him. I hired a mover to pick it up tomorrow, but then realized if it wouldn't come apart I wouldn't be able to get it though the door. So on New Year's Eve I drove to the mall with some tools (see, something I didn't even own two years ago, let alone know how to use or have the courage to try!). I literally laid on the floor of the store with an extension cord running through the store and used a drill to disassemble the table. Two mall security guards held the piece above my head from dropping on me. (Meanwhile, my son tried on women's clothes as the employees laughed and tried to keep him entertained!)
I had taken my RV in the event I needed to pick it up myself. The security guards told me to park it in a loading zone and said they would help me get it loaded. When I got back from moving the RV the security guards were gone. Apparently their manager had walked by and told them they couldn't help. So here I was with this massive table in parts all over the store and no idea what to do. I found two guys who were sitting outside drinking coffee and told them my situation. They graciously offered to help...and were able to load all but the heaviest piece...for which I had to recruit another bystander.
I drove home and proceeded to unload all but the heaviest piece myself in an attempt to save money on movers. Today I posted in a local group asking if anyone had recommendations for movers that were relatively inexpensive...and a delightful husband and wife volunteered to come help me. At the same time my best friend from college was arriving to visit. The four of us managed to get it all upstairs (I learned new tricks involving carrying straps in the crook of the arm and using a rope for leverage when moving something heavy up a flight of stairs) and reassembled. We also agreed that if I ever have to move, I will just break it up with a sledgehammer!
My aunt saw my son's joy in photos of him playing with the airport mats and surprised him with additional models, including a terminal building, air traffic control tower, and model airplanes. We (my friend and the couple who came to help) set it all up and called him upstairs. The smile on his face and the sparkle in his eyes was worth every ounce of effort.
Clearly I took on something beyond my capabilities...but by the time I realized it the table was already partially disassembled and I was committed. The generosity of seven (yes, seven!) strangers who helped reminded me that there are good people in the world. That people will go out of their way for others. That even when I get in over my head, there is a way out. That despite moments when I feel all alone, I'm actually not. That it is okay to ask for help. And that it really does take a village to raise a child.
Every single one of us has the ability to make a difference each and every day...whether it is in the lives of those we hold dearest or complete strangers. Seven strangers helped me do something awesome for my child. But I actually got the biggest gift of all - a sense of community.
I wish you all a 2018 filled with hope, generosity, kindness, and gratitude.