GUEST BLOG Inclusion: Kids with Food Allergies Can Do Anything (They just can’t eat everything!)

Camp Blue Spruce came about as so many good things do – a mom wanted her son to have the experience of an overnight camp, but she wasn’t confident that a kid with seven life-threatening food allergies would be safe at a “regular” camp. I was that mom, and when I realized there were no camps that could provide a safe environment for him, I founded Camp Blue Spruce, a worry-free camp for kids with food allergies!

Many campers arrive at camp never having been to a sleepover in their lives. When they realize they don’t need to worry about food or the social stigma of food allergies, they totally relax and can just be themselves. This is, of course, how we ‘allergy parents’ want our children to feel all the time not just at camp! In my opinion, the most important thing to think about when raising a child with food allergies is creating the balance between keeping your child safe while creating the space for them to be included and free to learn about themselves.

We all know that if our children eat the wrong food, there are dire consequences. But, we are just learning about the consequences of creating bubbles for our food allergic children – anxiety, depression, isolation. I am a big believer that people can live a full life with food allergies!

My son is about to successfully finish his first year in college, and Lisa asked me to share a few thoughts about the teamwork it takes to keep your child included as they grow up with food allergies.

The Team at Home

The first people to truly know a child are relatives. Many food allergy families end up hosting big holiday events so that their kids can eat safely, which makes a lot of sense. Every summer at Camp Blue Spruce we serve a Thanksgiving dinner (yes, in the height of summer) because it is so easy to make Top 8, sesame and gluten-free and the kids love it! As you approach the holiday, reach out to your family and help them find recipes that will make the celebration inclusive and fun. Guests need never know that it is allergy-friendly, they’ll just think it’s delicious! It’s worth the planning, to demonstrate to your family that it’s easy to include anyone with food allergies at the dining table.

The Team at School

When our son was first going into kindergarten, my husband and I approached the administration and our teacher asking “how can we make this work?” We knew that they did not want anything horrible to happen, and we knew that if we worked together to find simple things we could do to keep things safe, we would all win. By working so closely with the teacher, she became our strongest advocate with the district administration when a problem arose! She also came to our son’s high school graduation party in a nod to the bond we had forged together.

Of course food allergy parents need to educate others about the foods their child can eat and approach each play date with a certain amount of precaution.

Friends and Teammates

Sometimes people look at kids with food allergies as being fragile. It is our job to educate people and let them know that, as Dr. Sicherer with Mt. Sinai in NY says, “kids with food allergies can do anything any other kid can except eat the foods they’re allergic to.” I had to learn to trust others; clearly no one wished harm on my child. They just didn’t know or understand how to keep him safe – and it was my job to let them know how it easily could fit into their routines. Whenever a new play date, party invitation, day trip or experience came around I’d learn as much about the activity as I could, and then made easy suggestions for the other parents to include my child.

A word of warning! I am an emoter, so our friends heard everything about my son’s food allergies. I learned the hard way that sharing too much about my fears was terrifying our friends, and my son was left out of a number of social events because of it. My husband kept telling me to not talk about my fears too much, but it took me a long time to realize that while I was seeking support, I was also creating fear in our circle of friends and isolating my child. This is a really hard thing when you like to talk aloud about your thoughts and feelings! Maybe venting and talking about my fears in a food allergy support group instead of on the playground would have been a good idea!! If other parents see you being calm about the situation, they will also be calm, and they will hear what you’re saying as you make suggestions so it’s easy to include your child in everything.

Your Child

When your child is young, teach her to navigate. Living with food allergies is her reality, so it is important for her to understand that this is it. It’s not always easy, but it’s life, and it shouldn’t hold you back. Teach your children to manage for themselves and be confident about what works for them. Take their lead.

My son never wanted to sit apart from his friends in the lunchroom (and with seven food allergies, he would not have been able to sit with anyone!) So we created a system in kindergarten that worked really well to include him and keep him safe. From kindergarten on, he (or a helpful teacher) would use the three-wipe rule and wipe off his table, seat and hands before he sat down at the end of the table. He picked up a plastic cafeteria tray from the lunch lady to put his food on. This served two purposes – one, it kept his food off the filthy table, and two, if there were a problem, e.g. a milk spill, it was a small barrier. The system progressed every year as he was more and more able to take on responsibility, including the addition of a food-fight exit plan for middle school. The school was great about guiding him to take on more responsibility and guiding us to let go, so that when he got to high school, he could determine for himself how he wanted to manage in the cafeteria.

As he grew, he understood what to do to stay safe and knew when a situation was not safe. One sleepover my son attended got rowdy and when they broke out the Cheetos, he decided it was time to head home (flying cheese). I was proud that he was so clear about what works and what doesn’t work for him. I encourage you to give your child the confidence to own their food allergies. It will serve them well as they move through life!

The documentary film, Tastes Like Freedom, addresses a lot of these issues in the framework of Camp Blue Spruce, and I commend it to you.